So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
