Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
