From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
