Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
