I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Semen is not good for contacts.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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