Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
