you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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