Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
