It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
