i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
