Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
