did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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