if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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