Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
