What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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