dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
