Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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