I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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