Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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