Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's shark week go big or go home
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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