I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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