A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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