I just threw up on my dentist
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
