You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
