I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
