can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
