discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
