You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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