butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
