we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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