So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
