You're so nebulous sometimes
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
