you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
