How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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