I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
