I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
