4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we're making bets on your personal life
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
