I want to have your abortion
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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