I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
