The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
