i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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