i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
