I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
