Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
