yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
