Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
