Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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