the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
