I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
