my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
